Do you some days get the feeling that you’re stuck in a special kind of hell in which every hour, on the hour you are doomed to realize that what you have just spent the last hour doing has been worthness, a misdirection — no matter what it was?
Frustration really begins to set in today. Perhaps I do indeed need all sorts of interesting drugs to help me keep things straight and focused.
I think that part of the problem is that I have made so many promises, both to others and to myself. Myself: I promise to get into a good graduate school. I promise to take the GRE first. I promise to turn a profit and make a name for myself selling photographs. I promise to get another book deal. I promise to get a job on the side and to build up a bank account. I promise to plan a trip to Moscow and maybe even China and Egypt. I promise to learn to speak Arabic. I promise to learn to speak Chinese. I promise to get my car running again. I promise to upgrade my computer. I promise to finally clean up my old file cabinets. I promise to eat more healthy and get more exercise. I promise to stay on top of the news. I promise to read all of these very important books that are sitting in the “Read ASAP” pile. I promise to update my Web site. I promise to rewrite my resume. I promise to shop for some clothes. I promise to pack twenty years of junk, including two sports car corpses, and put it all into storage. I promise to move on with my life! Others: I promise to fix your computer. I promise to help you run your network. I promise to get you a birthday gift. I promise to help you build your Web site. I promise to help you move. I promise to meet you for coffee. I promise to meet you for beer. I promise to see that movie, and the other one. I promise to visit you at your home, far away from mine. I promise to write you back, call you back, e-mail you back.
I have no time management skills because I cannot prioritize because the due date for all of these promises is NOW! I cannot wait six more months or even one more month for any of them! I am unwilling to sacrifice any of them or place any of them ahead of any of the others. I will not compromise! So I’m balancing plates. But I’m getting nowhere! I mean, I’m 26 for God’s sake and I still haven’t done anything with my life. There isn’t any time for ANY of these things to be completed in a single day or a single month, much less all of them. But to do any one before the others, or to let any one fall behind — is like a moral compromise. So, I move back and forth, switching, switching, walking one inch in each of fifty directions every day — a pace which will kill any hope of eventually reaching a destination in any direction. But I refuse to compromise! It is a personality flaw.
At the end, I will go mad(der). I will finally take my Zoloft or my Prozac or whatever they have been wanting to give me for years, and then I will turn all of the dreams off. I will tell everyone, including myself, no. No degree, no photography, no books, no Arabic, no Chinese, no Web page for you, no coffee with you, I will just go to work and then I will come home and watch sitcoms and because I am drugged for complicity, I will finally be happy in such complicity and that will be my life.
Anyway, want to know what happened in the Jenin refugee camp? Try this story at BBC or this one at CNN. Interesting that most American outlets aren’t covering this at all… Most are instead running with the “Bush: Israel keeps promise” headline, which congratulates Israel for its activity instead. here is a story from an Israeli news source.
What I want to know is this: does the United Nations represent the authoritative body on international law or not? Is there even such a thing as international law? If not, we had no jurisdiction to try the Nazis. If so, where the hell are the other nations now? When will the world take a stand against the US and Israel? I mean a real stand, not just passing resolution after resolution calling the US and Israel names!
Can nobody see the obvious parallel between Nazism and Zionism? The world is putting its head in the sand once more. Don’t forget, Israel is the only force in the region with American armaments and a nuclear arsenal. For some time now there have been ghettos. Now there are also massacres, mass graves, and popular support inside Israel for “transfer” of the Palestinian population.
The world will never learn.