I need another broken election, another terrorist attack, another conflagration in Palestine to get angry about. Enron just didn’t do it for me, I care too little about money and there are enough people out there hating rich white guys that I don’t feel like I’m contributing much by joining in. But I need to get angry; without anger I struggle with whatever is left. My entire life has been about anger, when I was younger maybe even rage… But the older I get, the farther away from angry I get… moving closer to wistful all the time. And that’s difficult to cope with at times; anger is self-sustaining and leaves one needing nothing more…
But wistful… I don’t know if I can deal with always feeling wistful. Wistfulness consumes you, opens you up and shows you your own western spiritual emptiness, leaves you wanting and needing to rescue an unsaveable world, wanting and needing to be loved by everything and everyone whether or not you have done anything to deserve it.
Art school maybe? Film school again? Should I just move to NYC or SF and see what hits me? It seems like there are a lot of twenty-somethings who find themselves that way.
The wistful commie, that’s me.