Leapdragon 2016 - Aron Hsiao Was Here

Yes, yes.  §

I’m sitting here (yes, yes… I’m… … again) and I’m thinking back on all the times I’ve been “In Love” in my life… and the women (and girls) that stand next to those words. I don’t actually have very much to show for any of these relationships just now, in the present… just a few memories I can barely relate with any clarity but that somehow nevertheless manage to touch me on some level…

I don’t really know what else in life matters.

Or does it matter? I don’t know. I’m listening to “Home and the Heartland” on the Riverdance soundtrack (yes, I own it) and I’m frozen. immobile, caught in a panic of longing that doesn’t end.

I don’t know why I’m going back to school. I know, I know, I’ve been warned, the worst thing you can possibly do is go to graduate school not knowing why you’re going. I suppose I’m going because I haven’t found my life here… or anywhere else in the west… and I’m hoping to find it in the east. Myself and my camera and a CTA station. That’s the thrust of things at the moment.

Truth is, though, that I don’t really even know why I’m alive. Yes, yes, there are relgious reasons and dogma that could keep me occupied for years. But when push comes to shove, God is just another mime on the boardwalk, looking at me silently with his wide eyes and trying to communicate something that I can’t at all fathom.

It’s all too much to bear. I have to…