Okay, so I’d already had a vexing morning. Aside from personal issues, I was all ready to go with a post about how much I hate this country and the 80% of its population that are Christian. About how the creationists continue to accuse science and scientifically accepted theories (or equate them with theology), using as a forum for these accusations those mediums and technologies that are available to them solely as a result of the application of the scientific method, responsible for giving them such marvels as television, radio, the microphone, the printing press, the mass-produced clothes they’re wearing and the mass-produced textbooks from which they learned to read and write in the first place… while all the while their theological methods of inquiry and divination have done little more than burn and maim thousands… none of whom, I was prepared to add, was ever exonerated by failing to burn when doused with grease and set alight over a bonfire.
In short, I was going to say that the Christians are dullards, simpletons, and most of all, hypocrites, members of one of the world’s largest negative cults and bound to a system of reason that compels them to accept as God’s magic those things which to non-Christians are well-understood tools and inventions… and more to the point, causes them to seek to destroy all knowledge that exists of how such tools and inventions came about and operate, or how to reproduce them or employ them for new ends in the future.
But now I’m not going to say that. I’m going to go on for a while about Jiffy Lube.
Here’s reason number one not to go to Jiffy Lube: they charge $60.00 for an oil change that you can do yourself for $30.00. But nevermind. Whatever. You’re running low on time and you’re in a neighborhood that you’re not too terribly familiar with, and you’re there, and you just want to fucking get it all done and over with.
But once they have your car in the bay, they won’t let you go. They keep coming back and back again, to upsell things to you… that you swear didn’t used to be broken on your car. They come in and tell you that you have four signal lights that need to be replaced, at a cost of $18.99 each. Those are the same signal lights that you just replaced a month ago yourself for $4.99 a pair. So you tell them that you’ll replace them yourself once again, you don’t want to buy theirs at $18.99 apiece. They go back out again.
Then they come in and tell you that your wipers are broken and you’ll need to buy new wiper stems. These are the wiper stems you just fixed yourself two months ago with your own hands. They’ve been working fine. But they want to replace them both at $49.99 each. No, you tell them, those you can fix yourself, too. They go back out again.
Then they come in and tell you that according to the guidelines supplied by your manufacturer, you need a $49.99 fuel filter, a $99.99 transmission service, and a $99.99 coolant flush. The car runs fine. Your fuel filter is obviously not blocked (and your emissions tests far exceed average scores). If you’re going to get your transmission and cooling systems serviced, you obviously aren’t going to do it at a Jiffy Lube — you’re going to do it at your car dealer. So you decline yet again. They sigh. They go back out again.
Eventually, quite a while later, they come back in and tell you that your car is done. They glare. You pay your $60.00 for four quarts of oil. And when you finally get outside and get into your car, you find reason number two not to go to Jiffy Lube: they have broken your window and door controls. Not just one of them. They have all been punched through, deep into the door.
You go back and mention it.
“What are you talking about,” they say, “the car was that way when you brought it.” Obviously, you’re trying to make trouble.
Fuck America, and fuck capitalism.
You pull out of the lot after your $60.00 break-the-controls service, and you pull into another lot also near where you’re staying (here sits the potential genesis for another rant that, thankfully, won’t be born after all). You fix your controls by hand, except one of them, which is not only punched through, but which has been cracked and will require gluing.
You can’t wait until you are far away from everyone and everything and driving in the desert by yourself once again, where you belong.
Broadcast creationism that defames science is hypocritical.
People are often willfully unhelpful.
Jiffy Lube breaks cars if you don’t buy their upsells.
Americans are selfish, stupid bastards.
Merry Christmas, you lot.