There have been so many changes since June that I can’t keep track of them anymore.
From #1: I live on a top university campus in Chicago with a thousand students. I’m a graduate student and a writer. I have a serious girlfriend that I see several days a week and most weekends. I plan to stay here for the forseeable future.
To #2: I live in Portland by myself in a trailer near my best friend’s house. I’m not a student or a writer. For the moment I have a serious girlfriend thousands of miles away (but she’s not sure about the future) that I talk to 10-20 minutes a day on the phone. There is no plan, just to wait and see what the future brings.
To #3: I am living on the road with my very serious girlfriend. We’re on our way to visit Santa Barbara “for a little while,” just to touch base with family and friends. I’m a writer again, and we’re also planning to open our own catering business, once we find a major city to settle in. We spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week together. Eventually we’ll go to grad school.
To #4: I live in Santa Barbara with my girlfriend’s mother. I’m not a caterer-to-be anymore, but I’m still a writer — I think. My girlfriend has taken a job and works full-time; she has commitments until late most weeknights, so we don’t spent too much time together, but I do seem to spend a lot of time with her mom. We apparently plan to live here for a couple of years to pay off bills, then I’m going to grad school and she’s probably coming with me.
To (within weeks) #5: I live alone in Santa Barbara. I’m not a writer or a caterer, I’m a full-time white-collar employee five days a week. For the moment I have a girlfriend thousands of miles away (but she’s not sure about the future) that I talk to 10-20 minutes a day on the phone. I won’t see her at least until fall, if then — she may end up anywhere, or even permanently on the road. But in any case, I have to stay in Santa Barbara for at least a year or two, even if she and I aren’t together, because I’ve found a decent job after a lot of hard searching, and I have to pay my mounting bills.
#1 was planned. By me. I liked it a lot.
#2 was not planned, but was a good decision and was very enjoyable.
#3 was getting random and somewhat nerve-racking, but still potentially exciting.
#4 was something I would have to adjust to, given time and patience from others.
#5 WAS NOT THE PLAN. Is it something I can live with? Is that even the right question? It’s taken me weeks of tension and hand-wringing to just connect all the dots that have come together in this post. No wonder I’m about to go nuts. I have to do some thinkin’. I don’t know which way is up and which way is down these days, I’m twisting in the wind.