Leapdragon 2016 - Aron Hsiao Was Here

notes on women and men (mostly women)  §

The only time women can be happy is when they get to play the victim-hero. There is nothing more amazingly worthwhile in womens’ minds than to have had cancer, “overcome” it, then saved another person from cancer… or to have been raped, “overcome” it, then started a rape center… or had their home burn down, “overcome” it, then joined Habitat for Humanity.

It’s part of our cultural myth about women, the thing we tell them to aspire to. Women should be weak and frail and dumb and helpless enough to be a victim at some point, otherwise they aren’t feminine but masculine. But they must also be curative or act as a caretaker or crative/generative agent, so once they have demonstrated their femininity by getting victimized in some way (and thus feeling that they are worthwhile according to men), they have to them turn it into some kind of mystical, vagina-as-flower-of-creation “heroism” (which makes them feel worthwhile in the eyes of other women). Only through the victim-hero trope do women in our culture feel whole both in the face of masculine and feminine critics.

This is why women never know what they want, especially with regard to things like breakups. If a girl tells a guy to get lost and he does, she’s unhappy; she wanted him gone, but his ability to make a quick departure forces her to face the terrifying, identity-destructive possibility that she wasn’t attractive enough (i.e. feminine enough) to be victimized. She secretly wants him to be so unable to live without her that he calls her night and day crying, stalks her, and eventually rapes her. In spite of the violence of the act, the reinforcement of her femininity is ultimately good for her self worth, since she can then identify herself as irresistibly attractive to men. And of course after such an act, the other important component of the performance is that she can then call the police and become the survivor who protects other women from this monster of a man, thus becoming heroic, generative, and positive to other women. Only by becoming a victim and a hero can she look both men and women in the face without shame.

Make a note, men: either way she’ll be unhappy. She doesn’t want you anymore, but if you just go when she asks you to take a hike, she’s not gonna leave you alone. (Sound familiar, guys?) She’ll keep trying to get back with you until you turn stalker and on her, thus giving her the satisfying victim-hero breakup that she wants. She doesn’t give a damn about your feelings, it’s all about her femininity and her heroism.

As you always suspected, it’s all about her.