Leapdragon 2016 - Aron Hsiao Was Here

suck the life  §

I was going to write a letter this morning, but I couldn’t make it all phrase right. So I gave up. Now it’s before 8.30 in the morning and I’m at work, exhausted as hell. My life is not meeting expectation just now.

I never seem to meet expectation, with anyone, no matter how hard I try. I meet my expectations, but that’s not enough to make me happy. I mean, I have all these degrees, and I’ve written all these books, and I know all these things, and I’ve volunteered all this time over the years. But I’m always one phone call short, one nice word short, one degree short, one dollar short…

It amazes me that somehow it’s never enough for my parents, my relatives, my creditors, my prospective employers, my significant others…

Life just sucks.

leapdragon says:

I don’t think so. I think you’ve got a hell of a lot going on and a hell of a lot up your sleeve, career and success-wise, as we speak.

It all just sort of sneaks up on you, the whole identity thing. One moment you assume you’re not much of anybody doing anything, the next moment you have degrees and a career and blah, blah, blah. Sooner or later, I think all bright people stumble into success, just because whatever it is that they happen to be working on at any moment, nearly everything bright people are interested in also falls into the "success-oriented thing to do" category, whether it’s reading or writing or traveling or whatever.

But the downside is that once you realize that you’ve met or exceeded everyone’s expectations, you don’t get a medal, you just get complaints about the new expectations that you haven’t yet met. They don’t really care about the things they’re complaining about; they weren’t setting the bar so amazingly high because they thought you were really great all those years, In fact, they just didn’t like you, or wanted to demonstrate to you on a subconscious level that you were inferior to them in some way, whether intellectually, morally, developmentally, organizationally, or whatever… so they set a high bar so that they’d have something to accuse you of.

Parents who bitch at their kids about not getting ‘A’ grades are really just looking for a way to exercise authority. It’s a lesson in power relations, and if the kid was to go out and get ‘A’ grades next term, the parents would find something else to bitch about from that point onward.

Same thing with bosses, creditors, relatives…

The maintenance of power requires the exercise of power. Those who don’t exercise power… lose it.

It’s the way the world works, but you spend all these years pretending that someday everyone will be happy with you anyway. They won’t. They just wanted to feel better about themselves by pointing to your shortcomings and disguising them as "expectations."

Aqueous says:

It’s more than I could ever hope for.