Leapdragon 2016 - Aron Hsiao Was Here

carousel and the taste of the taste  §

I hate life. I fscking hate life. And hating life makes other people dislike me. Which makes me hate life even more. Which makes them dislike me even more. Which makes me hate life even more. Which makes them dislike me even more.

All I have to do to make people like me is put on a show and claim to love life. But that’s so fscking superficial of everyone, it makes me hate life even more. Which makes them dislike me even more…

Don’t I deserve the benefit of the doubt, ever? Don’t I deserve to have someone take care of me? Love me? Protect me? Sacrifice for me? Worry about me? Don’t I get to have other people looking out for me, EVER?

NO.

I was born a white male in a wealthy country, which means that I AM AT THE TOP OF THE FOOD CHAIN, ONE OF THE PRIVELEGED FEW.

I can never be unhappy about anything, ever. Because I’m PRIVELEGED. Any unhappy thought or feeling that I ever, EVER have is completely unjustified and selfish and DESPICABLE. If I’m not DELIGHTED WITH EVERYTHING than I’m just an asshole, because everybody else has it IMMEASURABLY worse. Everybody else is powerless to do anything other than stand by and collect SYMPATHY AND CARING all day, OMIGOD THE POOR SODS, FORCED TO LIVE LIKE THAT.

I’m so LUCKY that I don’t have to be OFFERED any sympathy and caring, and if I don’t APPRECIATE that, then I’m the TOTAL ASSHOLE THAT ALL WHITE MALES IN RICH COUNTRIES ARE.

I don’t deserve any caring. Boo hoo hoo, everyone says, and they’re right. Becuase I have my DOLLARS and my MALENESS and my WHITENESS to keep me happy, and if that’s not ENOUGH, I should be SHOT. If I have the GALL to REJECT that, I should be SHOT, because that’s all the POOR, BROWN FEMALES WANT IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD.

I should be shot.

This is a SICK society and a SICK world and I am the SICK center of it.