My priorities and fondest wishes are incompatible with the culture and society in which I live. Maybe it’s time for me to move to some backward place that all of the progressives are fighting to change, so that I don’t have to be alone. In our culture, you are always alone, either because:
1) You refused to go and have a life becuase having a life requires that the people, places, and things in your social life be interchangeable and you want deeper caring and deeper trust than that, but as a result nobody wants to be your friend anyway because you don’t have a life, or
2) You go and have a life, meaning that you do develop a thousand interchangeable, shallow relationships with other climbers and consumers, and as a result, you feel totally alone because none of them are real family or real friends, they’re all just cogs in your own ego-machine
We do not have relationships in our culture, outside of a few cults. Relationships are seen as fundamentally unhealthy things because they require some amount of ego-sublimation. The problem is that I am from outside this culture, at least in part, and I don’t share that prejudice. I grew up with real relationships, and I want to be able to trust somebody, and to have somebody trust me, that much again, no matter whether anyone thinks it’s unhealthy or not.
I don’t much care whether or not I end up with a really fat IRA and become the life of the party at the next rave, with twenty stoned guys and twenty horny girls climbing all over me. That’s not for me, I don’t want to live in a world where I care so little about the people around me that I could shoot every one of them just as much as laugh at their MTV jokes.
Freedom is a horrible, horrible thing. There is no greater misery and no more hopeless state than the state of actually being free in a place where everyone else is free as well. Shared oppression is the only place where true contentment and satisfaction lie. Meaning exists only in shared sadness; happiness and joy are cheap, easy, and as shallow as Paris Hilton.
I wish I had been born in the Soviet Union.
Misery is having to justify your misery when everyone around you knows for sure that your misery is completely unjustified. Happiness is being told that your misery is well-placed and well-understood.
I love it when Americans claim to “live in the moment” and “take risks,” as though there can really ever be any risk while you’re carrying around an American passport, a bankroll of hundreds of American dollars, and a post-secondary education. Somehow a lot of Americans have it into their heads that to fly to a major tourist city on a whim during a weekday and spend $100 on a beautiful stranger would be “taking a risk” and “living in the moment.” They don’t get that the very fact that such things are an option to them means that such things are relatively risk-free for them due to their citizenship and financial status.
Taking a risk would be throwing a US passport into the ocean, renouncing US citizenship in front of a notary, giving every last dollar in the checking and savings accounts to the poor, then joining a paramiltary terrorist group or a monastery in the wilds that is only exitable on pain of death.
If you don’t make a will and make peace with your memories before you do it, then it isn’t a risk.