Help me. Somebody, please.
I am so totally alone. I’m despondent. I’m in danger. Everyone thinks that they’re there for me, that they care… my family, my friends, my girlfriend… and I can’t even explain, to any of them, why that’s not the case.
I can’t explain anything to anyone without tearing apart my world even more, but I can’t afford to do that right now. I’m alone enough. But the fact that I can’t tell anyone why I can’t even talk to them just makes me more alone.
I can’t tell anyone anything and still keep them in my life. And I can’t lose anyone right now. But without telling them, I also can’t talk to them, because what they say just makes things worse.
Everyone is right. My friends are right. My girlfriend is right. My parents are right. Only I am wrong. But I don’t care. I am wrong and it’s my life, so I can be wrong if I want. Anyone who really cares about me will just let me be wrong, will be there for me while I’m wrong, will love me regardless and not try to change me, but will instead just love me.
But there is nobody like that. There are ten million people who think they’re like that. Of all the people in the world right now, I really wish I could talk to you, A–ie. I wish I was back in I-House and you were dropping by #424 to have a drink and a few light, friendly words, and I could say exactly what I felt and you would know exactly what I meant and instead of advice, you would just tell me that things were rough but you understood why they were they way they were.
I undervalued our friendship. I’m sorry. It’s because we’re almost exactly the same person (sorry, L–ia, there’s someone else who’s more “the same person as me” than you, by a million miles).
Maybe I don’t care anymore. Maybe I should be hospitalized.
I am cutting like mad tonight, and it’s not helping. I am drinking like mad tonight, and it’s not helping. I can’t face tomorrow. I want out. I want out. I want out. I want out. I want out. I want out. I want out. I want out. I want out. I want out. I want out. I want out. I want out. I want out. I want out. I want out.