Finally a little wound down from the weekend.
I suspect that it’ll be impossible to ever reach full “wound down” status while living where I live and working where I work. In fact, I haven’t been “wound down” since the summer of 2001. I miss the sensation and need it badly, but there is nothing I can do.
I worked overtime the first three days of last week so that on Thursday I could go to Los Angeles (a.k.a. the faithful plastic imitation of hell) to visit J– on tour. Then somehow I decided to follow the tour to San Fran and help out at that show as well, after which (today) I visited family and then drove back to SB (arriving well after 2.00).
Considering all of this in totality, the function of the trip has been to make me think I’m a fucking idiot. Better late than never. I need to leave my job, leave this town, and leave expectations behind. I need to clear my mind and stumble onward awkwardly as I’ve done so often in the past.
I am desperate for that drug-like high. I’m hitting the job boards tomorrow night to see what I can find in NYC. I am going to start eBaying everything in sight.
Gotta hatch an escape plan.
Fuck all this shit. Fuck it all.