Leapdragon 2016 - Aron Hsiao Was Here

talking to myself: a typical conversation  §

Me: “Hi, how’s it going?”

Her: “Fine.”

Me: “Are you done with work for the day?”

Her: “Yup.”

Me: “How was it?”

Her: “Fine.”

Me: “What did you do?”

Her: “This and that.”

Me: “Okay… well… what are you up to now?”

Her: “Not much.”

Me: “Hanging out?”

Her: “Yup.”

Me: “Doing what?”

Her: “Just hanging out.”

Me: “Anyone else around?”

Her: “Same as ever.”

Me: “What are you going to do tonight?”

Her: “Don’t know.”

Me: “What are you thinking?”

Her: “Nothing.”

Me: “What are you doing right now?”

Her: “Talking to you, babe.”

Me: “Okay, welllllllll… I spent most of my day in meetings, but I did get some things done here and there, though of course I’m always behind, it seems. I’ve been looking for other opportunities on my breaks, too, but I can’t really look while I’m at work, which is kind of a bummer. I was thinking maybe I’d see a film tonight, but it’s going to depend on what’s playing. Anyway, I still have some work to do at home. Maybe I’ll go and buy a houseplant, I think I could use more plants in my apartment.”

Her : “Hmm.”

Me: “I’m still thinking of buying a motorhome, too. After living in the trailer last year, I think it would be cool. I used to always wonder if I could live that way, and now I’m pretty sure I can. Plus, they’re cheap. They’d save all kinds of money on rent (and I’m pretty broke right now) and it would be cool to just pick up and move somewhere else anytime I got bored with my neighborhood.”

Her: “Yyyyyup.”

Me: “What do you think? Would you be interested?”

Her: “Hmm… we can talk about it.”

Me : “Okay. Well, anyway, I also got my latest royalty statement in the mail. The book is selling okay but it’s going to be a while before I earn out and start getting royalties. It’s all because it took so long to get the damn thing to market and so there was all that advance that got built up. At least it came out, though.”

Her : “Yup.”

Me: “Are you okay?”

Her : “Yes, of course, why do you always ask?”

Me: “Okay, well I guess I’d better let you go.”

Her: “Okay, if you want. Bye.”

The thing that drives me nuts is that while I’m getting this all summer, whenever I go to visit her where she is, hanging around with other people, or whenever she pauses the phone call to talk to someone in the background, I can hear her carrying on a complete, interesting, enthusiastic conversation with everyone else. Just not me.

It sucks to turn up to visit her and to have nothing to talk about, no matter how many questions I ask her about herself to try to involve her in the conversation. Then someone else walks into the room and she’s smiling and laughing and enthusiastically talking a mile a minute with a winning smile, in some cases about all the same stuff I was just trying to talk about.

It hurts.