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Monthly Archives: June 2006

my generation  §

My generation

– Is alone
– Is utterly, cosmically incapable of seeing other peoples’ points of view
– Spends its time hurting itself and others
– Absolutely hates being alone
– Doesn’t know how not to be in today’s world
– Is self-consciously careening toward middle age as a bunch of self-identified lonely people
– Who won’t trust anyone enough to sacrifice anything to change the problem anyway

We are miserable. I don’t have a single friend or acquaintance that I can point to and say, “Oh, there’s a happy person.” One or two who try very hard to appear happy but are really like Nagasaki inside, and that’s about it, the rest don’t even make the claim. Most everyone spends a lot of time with me in chit chat agreeing that we are all very unhappy and alone in the middle of an existential novel about ourselves.

But nobody seems capable of doing anything to change it. At times it seems as though we all absolutely hate each other and put each other on trial continuously.

Clearly our parents’ generation has failed miserably at something or other.

lies  §

In your private life, you claim to be a complete amateur at everything so that people aren’t so quick to jump on your ass and beat you down if you fuck up even a little bit. In your professional life, you claim to be an überprofessional at everything so that HR managers aren’t so quick to dismiss your resumé and leave you out of a job when everybody else inflates their credentials.

If you tell the truth about anything, the Department of Homeland Security comes and tortures you to death in front of your children for being unAmerican enough to display filthy, rank honesty.

“blogs”  §

When I started putting my diary online in 1999 I called it (drumroll) my “web diary.” Then later the word “blog” came about and people used it to refer to these things that they wrote that were full of their own ideas, a couple of comments about how dirty the subway was, something about how they hated their doctor sometimes, and a recipe for what they had for dinner.

That’s what this is.

Unfortunately, like everything else the actual term “blog” has been unpacked and exploited by marketing and capitalism to sell a product to the masses and the term has now taken on the air of “independent news program” so that I get email from people saying “this is the shittiest blog ever, what are you even trying to focus on here?”

Um, me. I’m trying to focus on me here. It’s my personal website, Jones. Clue stick a-ha. So, from now on and in the future I’m not calling myself a “blogger” and if anyone asks if I have a blog, I’ll say “no, nothing like that, but I do have a diary on the web.”

Not that it matters. Yes, I know, this is the worst web diary ever. Beh.

diary entry  §

Dude, life is naff. Craptacular. Asstitular. Worth dying for. It sucketh and maketh me vometeth, yea verily, even until I hate its meaty meat. Life = the seedy strip club horror you wake to every morning, wishing you had just kept your eyes closed instead.

Coupling  §

At one time or another, I’ve thought I was going to grow old with every girlfriend I’ve ever had. Really believed it, and looked forward to it, and loved being a part of it. And then they’ve all left, decided they don’t want to do that, or at least not with me.

If I could have a happy life with someone and know that it would last, I wouldn’t have to bother with all this school crap and all this career crap. I could be happy with a minimum wage crap-ass job and regular blokehood if I was coupled off for good. I suppose that supports the social sciences research that says men do everything they do in life to try to find a woman, and once they find her, they settle down and become reliable, plumping underachievers. Well achieving sucks.

I’ve never hit a woman, stolen from a woman, cheated on a woman, or made her embarrassed to introduce me to her parent(s). I’ve always respected women. I grew up with women all around me. I love them all. Is that what’s wrong with me? Did I miss learning to become a proper man? I don’t know.

I do know that I hate heartbreak, it gets harder & I get older each time.

  §

It’s hours later now. Many hours later. It’s dark out and I’ve just waken up. I blacked out before. Now I’m awake. And all I can do is miss my girlfriend, only I don’t know if she’s my girlfriend anymore. It feels like she’s moved on. And that sucks. 🙁

But I miss her. I miss her a lot.

  §

I’ve just been reminded of the reason for my determination to enter academics.

It’s the biggest smile I’ve had in weeks, and it comes courtesy of someone who thinks I’m absolutely wrong, but who is bright and eloquent in making their argument.

I remain, in the face of it all, an absolutely silly geek. 🙂

And such challenges make me happy, happy, happy! 😉

Dear god, suddenly I’m so fucking happy, it’s happier than I’ve been in weeks. All justification for my return to school. 😉 Someday maybe after all I shall be a Professional Thinker rather than just another Internet hack. Here is to that day.

Yeah…  §

…I’m pretty bright. 😉

Too bad it’s worth little in the long run. 🙁

On reality, from a relativist  §

We live in a society in which no-one says what they think, for fear of being wrong, of being unfair, of being unbalanced, of being offensive. Instead, to ensure that no injustice is carried out, everyone (public speakers included) parrots a full spectrum of opinions from others about every issue, to air “the entire argument, on all sides,” as it were.

This loyalty to fairness and balanced is misplaced. Hopefully we can all begin to see that the parroters are now parroting the parrots. Rather than an opinion on any issue, every man and every newsman is now happy to report that out there there seems to be no strong opinion. When no noble interest is willing to step forward to claim authority on any issue, what is left for public discourse is a poverty of choices—between trustworthy sources that have nothing concrete to say and untrustworthy sources that aggressively seek to establish their authority in areas in which their vested interests are their motivations for speaking in the first place.

From those that should be our leaders and our luminaries, however, there is nothing but the acknowledgment of competing viepoints any longer, a weakness repeated endlessly and then mutually reinforced in the gutless hall of mirrors that has become our news media. No “Good night, and good luck!” here—instead, the jury is always out, on every issue. Is terrorism on the increase, or is it on the decrease? Is gas getting more expensive, or is it getting less expensive? Are we winning the war in Iraq, or are we losing? Does gravity make things fall up, or does it make them fall down? We present opposing viewpoints at eleven.

It’s nonsense. Events are not fair, and they are not balanced. They can and must be contextualized, but that does not and must not obscure the fact that they happen.

Terrorism is on the increase. London, Madrid, Bali, IEDs in Iraq, “homegrown” cells with no affiliation to Al Qaeda turning up under every rock, Hamas elected in palestine and Iran and North Korea seeking a nuclear winter at incredible speed. However broadly or narrowly one defines “terror,” terrorism is on the increase since the election of George W. Bush.

Gas is getting more expensive in every way, not just monetarily. We must drill ever more broadly and risk ever greater levels of environmental harm (not just in Alaska, but in Saudi Arabia as well, who is very likely overproducing by a significant margin) in order to extract it. As billions of Chinese and Indians enter the automobile economy and seek to take ever increasing percentages for themselves of what had previously been an exclusively western European global petroleum marketplace, this state of affairs will only worsen. Gas is expensive because a planet that struggled to produce fuel for a hungry west must now cope not only with SUVs and Hummers but also with billions of Indians and Chinese who are ready for their turn at the drive-in.

We are losing the war in Iraq, as can be seen by nearly any rigorous metric one cares to apply. The previously developed, educated, secular nation formerly blessed with working social services, modern medical care, gas stations, and universities, has after years of sanctions and now years of long combat on top of that now become a beaten, overbombed danger zone doubling as a giant refugee crisis. Reliable and clean running water, education, social services, and basic security have been lost. So, in many cases, has hope, and they have Americans to thank for all of it. It is Iraqis that we are already fighting in Iraq, by and large, rendering any claims that we went there to “free them” as moot. We can be sure that someday some of them will want a pound of flesh in return (see earlier comments on Terrorism).

Finally, gravity makes things fall down. I know there are likely experts who say otherwise and will have very good arguments to support that assertion. I only hope that a few people at least are still clear enough in their own thinking to take a god damn glass outside and drop it on the pavement. Because if they rely on the news media or public opinion to tell them which direction things fall, they’ll never find out. After all, the jury is still out on that controversy, just like all the others.

Fair and balanced, kids. Fair and balanced.

3.20 AM  §

I am tired of people in this nation.

They are all the same.

The whole god damn thing is so stupid, so banal, so pointless, so self-important. If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s warrantless self-importance. Everyone’s a believer, blah, blah, blah. Everyone’s so god damn self-important, when they’re all just as worthless and tiny as anyone.

Sickening. Boring. Small-minded. Petty. Naive. Childish.

Exceptionalism? Feelings? Self-care? Fuck you. This culture… must go. Must go. All of it.

Life in whatever lane I’m in  §

Sometimes it seems as though life just gets more sad, more grey with every passing year. I find myself sighing all the time. I don’t know what I’m working toward or for.

Depression is just the absence of deeper meanings.

Fucker Bush Destroys Dan Rather

Women II  §

When they save all of their smiles for other people, that’s when you know you’ve lost.

Germans  §

God I love Germans. Clever, no-nonsense, beautiful people.

Deutsch ist die Sprache des Genies! Wirklich!

Someday  §

Someday when my career is made and my love life is set forever, I’m going to come back to this blog and post all of the great rants I’ve sent to my friends about work and life and friendship and relationships. There are so many things in life that are absolutely true but that can absolutely not be said out loud because you depend for a living and for companionship on people and businesses that absolutely cannot handle criticism or honest appraisals in any way whatsoever.

After all, what’s a worker in capitalism but a liar? And what’s a fool in love but a fraud?

Women all want to be worshipped. Well who’s gonna worship me? Who’s gonna worship the other men? Oh, that’s right, nobody.

Voicemail  §

I have over 30 messages in my voicemail box, and I haven’t listened to any of them. I just can’t do it. I think I’ll let them all fade away gracefully like venerable old poets.