Leapdragon 2016 - Aron Hsiao Was Here

Sometimes I wish  §

my life was simpler. More like everybody else. Everything about me is a special case. My birthday. The way I spell (both of) my name(s). My ethnicity. My parents’ ethnicity and nationality. My education. My work history. Nothing about me is ever quite easy to pin down.

So I try to tell people about myself, and it always ends up that I tell the truth and people fill in blanks with what “normally” goes with lots of different truths, and then they have me or facts about my life all wrong and later on I have to correct it and they think I’m contradicting what I said before, only I’m not. I’m just contradicting the assumptions people always make. Because you can’t fill in the blanks with me as a matter of course, you have to get the whole story.

Because nothing about me is ever quite easy to pin down. I guess it’ll just always be that way.

leapdragon says:

Oh, I’m sure they’re fine. You miss the point. You obviously fall into the "it’s easy to socialize" camp. It really is stressful for me. It’s hard. It does not come naturally to do any of these things.

Dioni says:

Give those poor people some credit – I’m sure they aren’t that bad after all, if only you give them a chance (instead, maybe, of being focused on yourself all the time, just maybe).

leapdragon says:

The dialectic and dialog of socializing. It’s a pain in the ass. I suppose that means I’m not socially well-adjusted. But while others really get off on the "back and forth" and kinetic tension of trying to get to know people through constant revision of the small details and constant slight-shattering of expectations, I feel the entire process to be stressful. I do it, but I wish I could just make a list about myself (maybe two pages long) and pass it out to potential acquaintances, who would then read it and make an informed choice about whether to adopt me as a friend, like buying a product.

I suppose this is what happens to some of us in late modernity, we ourselves are products and we are troubled by processes that fall outside the realm of marketing copy and transaction making.

I’d like to say I was born a hundred years too late, but maybe really I was born fifty years too early. 🙂

Dioni says:

Good to see another entry – and be assured that I am not the most egocentric individuum to have walked the Earth. You are. I’m gonna print this out and show it to everybody who will ever accuse me of self-centeredness.
On the other hand, I feel the weight (burden?) of all the mixed up categories/features/identifications that make me up, too. So maybe you are right to bring it to light. Maybe it deserves more attention that it is given. But you seem extremely together, my friend. Quite capable of self-defining and not giving a damn about others people’s problems with it. So what is it that bothers you, really?