Leapdragon 2016 - Aron Hsiao Was Here

Drama and shit and wanting something  §

As a single person, there are nights when you’re fine, and nights when you’re so alone it makes every inch of you, body and soul, cry out in distress and unbearable, solitary sadness.

Tonight I am very, very alone.

A curse on everyone. Just everyone. A pox on all their houses. On all your houses, all you humans. You and all of your uncaring kind should be euthanized to make way for the rats and cockroaches.

That’s why I always say it’s best to be selfish.
The thing is, it’s hard to be selfish. We love that bloody human race, in spite of ourselves, don’t we? I mean, even Orwell, who damned human race so thoroughly, wanted some kind of absolution for us anyway.
And when we hurt, we blame ourselves, and try to build protective walls around us and what not, but here is the news flash, those don’t work, all they do is make you fell more alone. And there is no drama in it, it’s as if we were all by now totally used to our own screwed-upness.

leapdragon says:

No, strike that a little. We are not all the same on all counts. I give more than I maybe should. And somehow the more you give, the more people take your giving for granted, as though it is evidence of some natural generosity or excess natural resource that they don’t have. "It’s only natural to take from givers," goes the rationale, and then when you aren’t able to give any more people tend to think (if they have conceptualized you in this way) that you’re witholding something from them.

Give quietly enough and while you give you will be taken for granted, forgotten apart from the mechanism of your participation. Stop giving after giving and you will be despised.

leapdragon says:

It is our own collective fault (i.e. humanity’s) for using the domination of the Enlightenment, modernity, technocratization, rationalization, and democracy to replace the dignity of life forms designed to live in small, undemocratic groups of closely relateds.

I try, but I am no more able to be more human than anyone else. I include myself in "everyone." Death to the human race, or at least to modernity, to the enlightenment, to democracy, and to rationality. Just give me my warring tribes back.

Dioni says:

I know that feeling very, very well. And often times I curse myself. Probably for that lack of kindness you’re talking about. But it’s just hard to be kind when people freeze your soul day by day by day, every day. I try, though. Do you?
Here you seem to be cursing everybody but yourself, like you’re superhuman already. Are you? Are you capable of that kindness, that forgiveness?
Whose fault is it that we are alone?