thanks mainly to my own self. I won’t sugar-coat it: I lost my head for a day or two, lost the thread of the conversation, lost perspective, the most essential aspect of being, the only thing that can keep a person sane in a world embodied in ephemera as today’s world is. Thankfully, for myself and more importantly for people that matter to me, I found my perspective once again.
I feel good. A bit stupefied at the thought of losing the touch of my lovely girlfriend for a couple weeks while she’s in Poland and I’m here, but overall tremendously good and impossibly fortunate. It would almost be unthinkable for my life to be better in any way whatsoever than it is right now. If I lose sight of this even for a moment I ought to lose my license to practice awakeness.
So I’m sitting here by myself on the third floor of the social research building just outside the economics department. I feel inspired—tremendously content and very deeply inspired, as though I am one with the world, if only for a moment. I don’t quite know what to do with such inspiration. It’s the sort of feeling that causes one to join a monastery or to sell all one’s possessions and hit the road or to start reciting poems at random for passers-by.
Funny… thirty-one years later and I still can’t seem to actually leverage inspiration in any way. To date it has led to nothing but my laying on the sand running my fingers through the dunes all day, or sitting on a riverbank tossing pebbles into the current until it gets dark and I can’t see them splash any longer, all the while smiling faintly and feeling the glow of passing time as it slides across my skin.
I feel very much as though in the last two days an epoch that has been hovering on the horizon for years now has arrived. Big words. Maybe too big. I don’t know, I don’t know.
It is a lovely day. That’s all. Despite the oddness of the moment and the list of things to be done, I really can’t imagine a better life.