It’s hot. It’s loud. There are a million things pressing on me for attention, more than half of them without much promise of reward and without much direct excitement. It has been a particularly frustrating couple of weeks at the end of a particularly frustrating couple of months during a year that has not gone as planned.
I have work to do. But it’s hot. It’s loud. We’re leaving in a week. Nothing is settled and nothing will be settled and the dizzying array of people, places, and things to which I have some responsibility (that have little, if any, responsibility to me) keeps growing.
I can tell that my lovely wife is worried about whether or not I will get the work done that I need to get done. She is trying her best to help me to get into the right mental state to progress, but really the problem is that there is just too much stimulus.
I swear to god the fan behind me is pumping out hundreds of decibels and vibrating my teeth but if I turn it off the rivers of sweat that are running down my body are going to carry me away. The elevator alarm is going off because people are moving and it has been ringing over the sound of the fan more or less continuously for twenty minutes. To compound things, there is a jackhammer across the street taking down a retaining wall.
I am not comfortable. My clothes are sticking to me. I haven’t had enough sleep. I have been very frustrated lately by a great many things with precious little outlet.
I recently took a typing exam at which I typed over 100 words per minute with no errors. I feel as though in the past four days that has increased to over 480 words per minute with no errors, maybe even 580. I can type so fast that the keys begin to fragment beneath my fingers, that a hole is worn through the computer and my prints begin to embed themselves in the table below.
But I cannot think of anything to type. I can’t think of anything at all, just the fan and the phone and the elevator alarm and the car brakes and the mail and the paperwork and the scheduling and the projects and the deadlines and the career branches, etc.