people imagine that in a free society like this one relationships must be nurtured only until they are named. Once they are named as such according to some official title, they are there, they exist as objects independently from the actions of either person.
They are then shocked when, after taking them for granted and weighing them down with expectations, they begin to seem ephemeral once again—and they take this not as a sign of their own failing or the relationship’s starvation for material practice to support and maintain its existence, but rather as evidence of some original falsehood, i.e. “it was never a good relationship to begin with” or “that other person is to blame for what has happened; since I wasn’t seeking to harm it, they must have been.”
People: relationships are practice. Stop the practice, stop the relationship. Alter the practice, alter the relationship. There is no objective, a priori there there. They don’t exist except in our enacting them daily.
Stop enacting them daily and they will weaken by a corresponding amount.
Stop enacting them at all and they cease to exist.
I am shattered and bewildered that this far into my life I still find myself musing about how nobody else seems to believe this.