1) The most understanding ones who most often give the shirts off their back seem often to be labeled the biggest jerks by those people that expect things from them.
2) The understanding ones understand when they’d be perfectly justified in refusing to understand, and then they’re the understanding onces again when the tables are turned, even though at that point they could use a little understanding themselves. The understanding ones are always the understanding ones, until they’re buried.
3) No understanding is expected from the non-understanding ones; it’s not what they do; it’s not the relational context in which others experience them. It is the responsibility of the understanding ones to deliver understanding, no matter how much they feel that it’s taken for granted, or that they’d love, just for once, to be understood themselves instead. It is beyond their capacity to be anything else.
4) In the end, their role in relationships is not merely not acknowledged or valued; in fact, the understanding ones are generally willfully harmed precisely because they’re so very understanding, and their serial exiles and re-adoptions are the heartbeat of the group’s collective effervescence. Group identity and solidity is worked out by sublimating honesty and understanding beneath alternating veneers of war and reconciliation. Without the cadence, there is no reintensification; without reintensification, there is no group.
5) The understanding ones are martyrs to the cause of humanity. They also say this from time to time, precisely because they are the understanding ones. For that, they are liable to be martyred again.