too conceptually and emotionally crowded recently, and when that happens I disappear beneath static; I can’t think through anything at all; I can’t think, period, and I sort of develop vista-paralysis, an inability to operative instrumentally or in a reflexively awareness-rich manner relative to any particular perspective.
I need to clean up my cognitive space. Nobody, of course understands this; it tends to build to a crisis at which everyone wants to violate this sacred space all the time and I flee like a refugee to some quiet area, making everyone frustrated, hateful, and severely dubious. Then I emerge later somewhat recovered and people applaud me for finally growing up and getting my act together and they find me great once again, but they never connect my need for conceptual open space (and my forcing the issue to get it) to my functionality (when I display it well).
Basically, I’m a radically strongly expressed introvert in a world of extroverts and every now and then I feel as though the collective thoughts and my own subjective ideative manifestations of the people and things around around me crush me beneath the weight of twenty mountains until I escape into some monastic retreat and climb out from under the way-too-many thoughts and feelings.
Does it sound like I need tinfoil?
Sometimes I feel like I do.