Leapdragon 2016 - Aron Hsiao Was Here

Insurance company waltz  §

Insurance Company Rep: "Hello, can I help you?"

Wife: "Yeah… Can you tell us why we've just been billed $2,000 instead of the expected $500 deductible for our labor and delivery?"

ICR: "Um, it's because the over-under on the quantification side of the underwriter of the reinsurer had a split policy double-writing the underwiring of the semi-deductible non-deductible deductible, which effectively doubled the cost ratio for mitigated cases, of which this is one based on the non-underwitten nature of the reinsurer's semi-deductible metapolicy. So you owe at least double."

Wife: "But $2,000 isn't double, it's quadruple. Where did the other $1,000 come from?"

ICR: "It's what you owe."

Wife: "But I'd like to understand WHY I owe it. Even with that other stuff that I don't understand, this isn't double, it's quadruple."

ICR: "Please hold."

(Tap, tap, tap… Wife looks at husband.)

ICR: "Okay, I'm back. There may have been a mistake, we'll look into it."

Wife: "Well if there was a mistake, I don't want to wait while you look into it, I don't want to owe it. You're telling me double, and that's quadruple!"

ICR: "Okay, so you don't owe it. It was a mistake."

Wife: "So we only owe $1,000?"

ICR: "That's right, based on the non-underwritten quantification of the reinsurer's double ratio underwritings, which doubles the deductible for all non-excluded cases."

(Husband to wife: "Give me the phone.")

Husband: "Hi. Can you tell ME, in plain terms, why we thought we owed $500 and now you're telling us we should feel great for 'only' owing $1,000?"

ICR: "Oh, that's easy, it's the deductible on your policy. The one in your wife's name. You probably haven't seen the policy details since it's your wife's policy, but it's a $1,000 deductible."

(Husband to wife: "They say we have a $1,000 deductible and that's it, period.")

(Wife to husband: "No, we don't, and that's not what they told me just now! That's totally wrong!")

(Husband to wife: "Do you have the policy somewhere?"

(Wife to husband: "Here you go! See? $500. Spelled out right there.")

Husband: "Insurance lady, we have the policy right here. It says we have a $500 deductible."

ICR: "Oh no, that's not correct."

Husband: "It's in my hand."

ICR: "Please hold."

(Tap… Tap… Tap…)

ICR: "Sir? Yes, your policy was changed on 10/1/2010 to a $1,000 deductible policy."

Husband: "By whom?"

ICR: "You. Or your employer. Not us. Not our responsibility, sorry."

Husband: "Wait, it was changed on 10/1/2010?"

ICR: "Yes."

Husband: "You mean THREE DAYS before induction, AFTER the pre-authorization paperwork was submitted and approved? When we were already on maternity leave and preparing for the hospital?"

ICR: "Roger."

Husband: "Okay, who do I sick the lawyers on?"

ICR: "Sir? Oh, I see. We do have an appeals address. Do you want it?"

Husband: "Yes, please. Oh, and I want some kind of confirmation also for that $1,000 'mistake' you say you're going to correct that reduced the original amount from $2,000 to $1,000."

ICR: "I gave a tracking number to your wife."

(Husband to wife: "Did you get a tracking number?")

(Wife to husband: "No, absolutely not!")

(Husband to wife: "Insurance lady says she gave you one!")

(Wife to husband: "And she seemed so nice!")

Husband: "Insurance lady, give ME the tracking number, too."

ICR: "Okay."

Husband: "And where can we follow this tracking number?"

ICR: "In the online system."

Husband: "Okay, I'll log in and check."

ICR: "Oh, well, it takes five days."

Husband: "Okay, I'll log in after five days and check."

ICR: "Sometimes it takes ten days."

Husband: "Okay, I'll log in after ten days and check."

ICR: "Sometimes it doesn't make it into the system at all!"

Husband: "Then I'll call."

ICR: "You do that. We're always happy to talk to you again. Have a nice day."