Leapdragon 2016 - Aron Hsiao Was Here

What do I want?  §

This is becoming am more and more vexing issue.

I need to decide, once and for all, whether or not I am pursuing an academic career. Because the fact is that right now I am not pursuing one, it shows, and time is rapidly running out.

If I am pursuing one, I need to rearrange my work schedule so that I always work on academic stuff first thing in the morning for at least two hours, because otherwise it will not happen .

The main problem is that I just don’t know.

I do know that I don’t want to work at Terapeak or be a marketing guy for the rest of my life, but what I actually do want to do remains something of a mystery to me.

As a result, there is a big empty spot in my head when it comes to the question of motivation.

What am I motivated to do?

This goes back to some of the issues that I had as a young person and to things that used to drive dad nuts about me.

The trouble is that I’m not motivated to do anything at all right now. I can’t name what I want because I don’t feel much of anything about any thing right now.

What do I want to do first thing in the morning? Absolutely nothing. Why do I do the work that I am doing? So my wife won’t yell at me so much.

Okay, I suppose that’s flip, but there’s an element of truth in it.

I certainly don’t have a “passion” or even anything weakly resembling one.