This is becoming am more and more vexing issue.
I need to decide, once and for all, whether or not I am pursuing an academic career. Because the fact is that right now I am not pursuing one, it shows, and time is rapidly running out.
If I am pursuing one, I need to rearrange my work schedule so that I always work on academic stuff first thing in the morning for at least two hours, because otherwise it will not happen .
The main problem is that I just don’t know.
I do know that I don’t want to work at Terapeak or be a marketing guy for the rest of my life, but what I actually do want to do remains something of a mystery to me.
As a result, there is a big empty spot in my head when it comes to the question of motivation.
What am I motivated to do?
This goes back to some of the issues that I had as a young person and to things that used to drive dad nuts about me.
The trouble is that I’m not motivated to do anything at all right now. I can’t name what I want because I don’t feel much of anything about any thing right now.
What do I want to do first thing in the morning? Absolutely nothing. Why do I do the work that I am doing? So my wife won’t yell at me so much.
Okay, I suppose that’s flip, but there’s an element of truth in it.
I certainly don’t have a “passion” or even anything weakly resembling one.