Once a very long time ago, I had a rule. The rule was that once something went live on my blog, it couldn’t be removed or edited.
That rule went by the wayside a decade ago.
As have done a lot of other things that a young adult might adopt as a matter of creating and preserving a veneer of personal integrity, only to gradually drop those same things over time as a matter of preserving a semblance of personal sanity.
— § —
Earlier today I was quite sad.
For several hours, I indulged in that most traditional of mental amusement park rides, the downward spiral. I tried to hold it together, but was really generally failing.
Then, having dragged myself to bed with kids in tow, to read bedtime stories and a chapter from Beverly Cleary’s Ramona the Pest, and very much in mid-chapter and even mid-sentence, it suddenly all went away.
A switch flipped.
I was at peace with the world once again. Grown, mature, and stable, I was suddenly able once again to love without expectations, to function without certainties, a capability I’d lost for at least a few hours today for no particular reason.
Who knows why these things come and go? Certainly I don’t.
But I was glad to be comfortable and calm once again, rather than checking my messages every five minutes with a combination of desire and dread.
— § —
And then, after and only after I’d let go and found peace, a message.
And just like that, I’ve swung from one end of the emotional spectrum this morning to it’s extreme opposite by afternoon and back again to where I’d started by evening.
We’re not all so different from one another at the end of the day.
The line between “okay” and “needs work” is a very thin one indeed, if it exists at all.