“Anger is a secondary emotion; it always masks something else.”
This is what our therapist says.
I feel as though if a couple can internalize this, the rest is secondary. All the rest helps, no doubt, and the more you can learn from books or therapists, the faster you can bypass slow periods of learning and the need to “reinvent the wheel.”
But this concept, this concept is fundamental. It is what I, and she, have always to remember: anger is a secondary emotion.
The yelling, the withdrawal, the isolation, the resentment—none of these are basic. They are bandages and scars. It is what’s underneath them that matters. If as a couple you can remember always that there is something underneath them, you can and will grow old together in intimacy, trust, and happiness.
Remember, me. Remember!