You know that you’re a “real” blogger not when you get paid to do it, not when you have a post go viral, not even when you’ve spent decades in your career doing it for companies of all kinds and sizes.
No, you know when you have finally given in and given up on any other aspirations in a realistic way when you make your fisrt post about sex.
So here it goes. It’s gonna be short.
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I don’t know if it’s this way for other guys, but I am coming to learn that it is this way for me. Here comes the line that will create problems and disagreements and criticisms and so on. But:
In myself, at least, intimacy requires sex. It is the one and only key to bringing down the inner walls. Without it, as time passes, the walls, they go up. They just do.
I suspect that our therapist and an army of concerned people (let’s be honest, many of them women) might disagree. Tell me that it’s precisely the point in my case that I have to break through those walls with pure, unadulterated metacognition and trust.
I don’t buy it. I’ve been alive for a long time. I can only say what I deeply, deeply feel. Sex is the emotional ocean beneath the surface. The wellspring of deep feeling. The core of connection. For me, sex is exactly synonymous with trust, feeling, and commitment as a package. They cannot be separated. The presence of one is the presence of the other. The absence of one is the absence of the other.
It just is. Sex opens parts of my brain and parts of my heart that otherwise are closed. And their natural state is to be closed. They have to be opened anew each time, regularly, or they are quickly and simply inaccessible to me (much less to others).
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This goes rather clearly with the love languages post I made earlier.
People don’t seem to believe that guys are ever wired this way. But I am. And there is no getting around it.
And if I am wired this way, there must be other men that are, too. Take it under advisement, any of you in the “all men are predators constantly and sleazily seeking meaningless sex” camp.
I couldn’t have meaningless sex if my life depended on it. And I couldn’t have a meaningful relationship that would survive very long without it.