I am not sleeping. This happens from time to time.
And then, as often as not, I open this thing and type. Once I begin typing, I invariably struggle with the question of what to say—and yet before I begin, the urge is incredible; I feel compelled.
I believe that there is more to be said in these late-night posts in particular, even if I can’t quite access it and it never quite hits the page. Bridging the gap between that incredible urge to put my hands to keyboard and what the incredible filter of my mind actually allows to emerge is going, I think, to be one of my life projects from here on out.
It’s paradoxical, and more than a bit funny. You spen the first half of your life being trained to filter everything. Then you spend the second half of your life trying to open the filter and let more truth come out.
But if you don’t get the first half down, all that will come out is chaotic noise. The filter is control. You have to first learn to impose some order and control on things before you can use these skills to produce a facsimilie of truth.
I’m reminded of the Dalai Lama’s quote:
“Learn and obey the rules very well so you will know how to break them properly.”
The one, for better or for worse, has to come before the other as a matter of practical necessity. But it all does take time.
I’m now into the back half of things. I’ve learned the rules. Now I need to practice and develop my ability to break them properly.