Today I successfully fixed the dog gate in my upstairs hallway and I successfully did a little patching of some growing leather wear in the car.
These little victories are important because in all other respects, life is not going particularly auspiciously. I can’t even get into the details in public, and I’m tired of talking to the same people about the same problems in private.
Suffice it to say, things are, in general, not going well, and I’m more than a bit worried about the next year.
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It’s hard to find new people to interact with.
Today I got called a fucktard, and then a few different people joined in to second the motion. Why? Because I said I prefer talking about physics to going on hikes, and I suggested that this was okay and that everyone was different. Then someone said that really what I liked was big words, and I said yes, I actually do have a soft spot for big words and lovely sentences.
And then I was a fucktard, and someone else said that only bitter people prefer talking about physics and someone else said that my attitude was bad and no wonder I was all alone.
Seriously, it was beyond the pale. I didn’t say anything negative, just that I liked talking about physics and didn’t all that much like going on hikes, and that I was happy with that. I don’t know if people were genuinely upset or just poking at me. But it was not a happy experience. Not with everything else going on right now.
My visiting house guest (who left a few days ago) said that I should go out and find groups to join and interact with. This is the problem when I go out to find groups to join and interact with in Utah. They listen to country music and say they’re “plain spoken” and they don’t appreciate physics or want to help me to with my lay understandings of physics (not that they could even if they wanted to).
In New York and Chicago there were other people like me around, and we could hang out and have a good time. But I’m just not a rodeo guy. And though I’m not particularly annoyed if other people don’t use big words or good grammar, it grates when people tell me that I shouldn’t use big words or good grammar myself, for whatever reason.
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I’m worried. And not optimistic. I hate that, because it’s not normal for me. I’m uncomfortable in worried-and-not-optimistic territory.