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Monthly Archives: November 2001

So at first I wasn’t…  §

So at first I wasn’t going to write anything when I found out about George. That was in the wee hours of this morning. But now I’ve just waken up and it all hit me again, so I’ll just say that he will be missed. The Beatles showed us what it all could have been like. Too bad we have instead what it is.

He’s pushed the President, Mr. Ashcroft, and the nationalist follies right off of the front page. Rightfully so. Good riddance to them. And goodbye George.

I hate looking for jobs….  §

I hate looking for jobs. I really think I’m barking up the wrong tree… what I’m looking for is a role, not a job — a way to make a living doing something exciting, dangerous, useful… something that maybe most other people don’t want to do? I don’t need a wage, just a place to sleep and food to eat and freedom from owing anybody anything other than my labor and knowledge.

There must be opportunities like this out there somewhere, but I am too insulated, too conventional in lifestyle, upbringing and education to have any idea where to look. I only know that somewhere out there, there are hard-working, muddy Americans doing interesting and helpful things as a lifestyle choice, rather than working a job to support suburban afternoons. If only I knew where to look, who to talk to! There are of course the nonprofits, but those all seem to start with an internship and work experience, neither of which I have.

I’ve even toyed with going out and picking up one of those government grants books, but I’m not convinced that sort of thing is legit and really don’t want to feel gullible and Forrest Gump.

Snow! Finally, we have real,…  §

Snow! Finally, we have real, permanent (as in here for more than an hour) snow in Salt Lake City. It’s only a little, but it’s a start. Maybe it won’t be a tropical winter games after all. I’m not the biggest sports fan, but with all of these big college football games, all of this food and all of this snow, I’m having a hell of a nice holiday weekend.

Now if only I could lay my hands on some usable cash… I’m trying to eBay off some equipment, so maybe that will be fixed soon as well. Then I can get down to the usual December business…

Be sure to check out the cam for a view out the window.

Addendum: my favorite thing about heavy snow is the way it turns night into day. That’s the real reason I could never live in a snow-free zone. There’s also the eerie, beautiful silence that snow makes — all traffic noise, all wind sounds, all sounds of any kind disappear. I understand the science, but the effect transcends conception or reflection. Silence of this type simply is, and I love to open a window in winter and listen to the nothingness.

Waiting to see if there…  §

Waiting to see if there will be any snow that I can attach in a photo before I send out the obligatory Happy Thxgvg! e-mail to everybody I know online. Olympics soon (*shrug* all right, couple of months), but we’re high+dry+warm here in Salt Lake City right now.

Debt can be a really lousy thing for personal progress, take it from me. Well, don’t… I was on the verge of doing a little uncomfortable holiday bitch-and-moan, but I really don’t feel up to it or right about it — not the time or place, I guess, so instead:

Eat, drink, be merry everyone. Happy Thanksgiving. Christmas next. See you in December. No shit.

Back after being offline for…  §

Back after being offline for a few days. Long story. Point: people who know me know that I don’t dream in my sleep, ever. But for the last three nights without the I/O monster running, I’ve been dreaming continuously. Wild! I wonder if white noise (the kind made by five hard drives and eight fans) changes some part of your sleep pattern responsible for dreaming?

I haven’t really been without the 24/7 system noise in my sleep chamber since sometime in the late ’80s. Interesting. I wonder if it’s having odd effects on my mental health?

*loud bear-like barking noise*

I’m trying to get myself…  §

I’m trying to get myself to read a book for a change. The number of books not read by this liberal arts graduate over the last six months is truly shameful. I have all of the volumes by Proust just sitting here waiting for the right moment. Damn it, where is that moment!? Since I got my degree it’s just been job search and CNN. Damn it, if September 11th hadn’t happened, neither of these things would be an issue.

Lots of other stuff I could say here, but after tossing it all in and cutting it all back out, I think the book-terror link stands on its own pretty well. Silly, silly me, eh?

Camera terrorism.  §

The snap-cam is pointed outside right now, where the leaves are falling and there have been pigeons around all day coo-ing. I love it. Fall is for me, Winter is for me, Spring and Summer are for somebody else in a bathing suit and a gardening hat.

On other subjects… I don’t want to think I’m turning into one of those crazy conspiracy-theorists, but the plane crash in Queens the other day smells funny to me, as does our response to it. I’ve had a few decades to get used to reality now, and I can’t remember a plane crash in which parts of the plane just “fell off” in midair. Even stranger, though, is our ability to determine the exact cause of the crash as “not terrorism” in the same week. Jeepers, I guess the investigative crews for all of those other crashes throughout the ’80s and ’90s were just dead slow when they needed a year or even several just to form a preliminary report…

Could it be that our government just wants us to keep buying plane tickets because our lovely cash economy is in trouble?

Capitalism is evil. Corporations are…  §

Capitalism is evil. Corporations are evil. The free market is death to the common man and will always be so. It’s been that kind of day.

Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a complete leftist. In no way do I love the right wing, but the ongoing Florida vote counts by “independent” research groups have got to stop. The election was a whole year ago, get over it. War is afoot, we can’t continue to be bothered with unanswerable trifles.

And no, I don’t think Gore “would have” won if things were counted “correctly” — an overvote is an overvote, and I don’t think we should count any of them. If someone can’t be bothered to read the instructions, then they don’t respect the process and don’t deserve a vote. And if they don’t understand what’s printed on the ballot, then how can Democrats claim that such a vote has any meaning, no matter who was voted for? So why am I talking about overvotes? Because so far every recount including only undervotes shows Bush still winning. Don’t worry, you Gore folks, Al and George aren’t really all that different. Just swallow your pride a little. At least Bush can say “let’s roll” with some degree of sincerity.

How about we make a real change next time around? Could happen… [*sigh*]

Okay, this is minorly cool….  §

Okay, this is minorly cool. I rigged up an el-cheapo Web-cam system using and old RCA camcorder with dead read/write heads and I’ll just use XawTV to disseminate (as a part of the desktop snapshot) when I want to appear. Probably a rare thing that I’ll just do every now and then for kicks.

Actually, I’m still not sure about serving snapshots from my personal system. From the moment I added the record to the DNS system and took the server online until now (just a few days) I’ve recorded 16,000+ touches from the Nimda worm. That’s in just a few days on a server that just entered the DNS and went online. That’s ridiculous. No wonder systems that have been online longer are getting hit so hard traffic-wise. Sheesh.

I was looking at a picture of myself a couple of years ago with longer hair. I liked it. I was about to slash/burn once more but now I’m thinking I want to grow it a little. We’ll see… Probably everybody will complain at me again like they did when I had a semi-goatee…

New public face on things:…  §

New public face on things: screw this job search, I am going back to freelance authoring. I’ve got my next proposal/workup under construction and will be shopping it around to publishers by midweek. I feel pretty good about the decision, but money will be really tight (read: nonexistent) for a while. I guess I might see if I can find some part time labor-intensive work to get me in shape and bring in supplementary bucks.

You’ll notice a few cute changes start to occur to the page over the next few weeks as well. Well actually I suppose they’re more additions than changes — things to add a more in-real-time feel to the site and maybe draw some traffic. Why traffic? I don’t know… Because there’s so much you can do with traffic these days… Don’t ever expect a forum or chat, though. This site comes down from the ivory tower. The last thing I need is in-real-time feedback!

I’ve also discovered more rendering and general browser bugs. In Mozilla 0.9.5 serious XUL bugs can still cause things like image caching to break. Solution appears to be using the Modern theme rather than the Classic theme. In Konqueror, my pages load correctly the first time, but clicking “reload” causes them to break. Damn.

So now I need to…  §

So now I need to make a call. Am I a freelance writer or not? If so, I need to commit and get to work, rather than dicking around with resumés and human resources directors all day. Damn it, I wish it was that simple. Unfortunately, I don’t think a freelance cash flow could keep up with my bills right now.

On the other hand, since all I’m doing is sending out resumés and going to job fairs and interviews looking for a larger income, my bills are continuing to pile up. At some point the whole thing breaks down and I go to work at a convenience store. That bit is actually coming quite soon now if something else doesn’t develop.

Damn, that sucks. I should have just started work on another book back in March or April, I’d be coming into my next advance right now. Instead I decided I wanted to get into the “real” workforce. Damn stupid of me, damn stupid.

I guess you’re never satisfied with what you have until you’ve lost it.