And then there are those moments when you know that you feel different, but you can’t begin to determine whether it is actually better or worse that you feel. Confusing, confusing, I am not accustomed to moderation in feeling! I don’t quite know what to do with it. Have a cigar, I suppose, and wait for the sensation to go away!
No, no, I take it back… I do know what I feel. It isn’t better or worse, it is that same old feeling, just a little too transcendent for a moment or two. There is no better feeling than vulnerability. There is no worse feeling than vulnerability. There is no more ecstatic feeling than vulnerability. I love the world. The world does not love me. The world will never love me or anyone; the world is blind and driven, innocent and guilty at the same time, poignant but unfeeling. But no matter; the world is lovely anyway.
What did I write once, a long time ago, when I felt like this?
“It all seems very sad. Very, very sad. No wonder it sometimes rains. No wonder the ocean is beautiful…
No wonder people look for God.”
Thank you everyone, for everything. I will try to do my part.