I really, really miss her.
I am in a neutral zone for a moment, one of those places where I’m aware of just what the diagnosis of “bipolar” refers to, whether one believes it to be an illness or just a character flaw. The last three or four days I have been experiencing severe dysphoria. I was living in a kind of disconnected hell and couldn’t see a thing, couldn’t think straight, couldn’t function or really even form a sentence. Now, suddenly, everything is fine. I can think and work, and I even slept last night.
I wish I was more aware, when I was in the midst of being driven insane by my own mind, that the condition was only temporary, or that things aren’t quite what they seem — that the whirlwind of decay and desolation is just an illusion, not the collapse of reality.
Sometimes I am aware, at least a little bit. But the last few days, I haven’t been. I have been completely outside all reality.
I’m glad to be out of that hole. I hope I don’t fall in again too soon.