who made the most interesting, honest, and simple blog posts ever. Some people have a strange kind of wisdom that defies all conventional understanding and logic. For a while I tried to catch the thread of what he was doing—how that honesty worked. I don’t know if I ever got close to being that honest with myself (and thus with everyone else), but I know that now my blog posts are a bunch of fucking nonsense without anything near that level of self-insight. Oh well.
I feel like I want to stay up forever right now. I feel like hell but I don’t want to go to bed. I just want to sit here until the spiders come and build webs on me. I don’t know what to do with myself. I should be working or sleeping.
These days I should always be working or sleeping.
Unfortunately, that sort of lifestyle takes one far away from the things that one really wants and really cares about. I can’t even name what I want and care about.
Can I? Maybe. Let’s try.
– My fiance.
– My dog.
– My family.
– My career.
– My friends.
Well, that’s pretty basic, that’s the same thing as everyone else. The trouble comes when you try to figure out what to do with this caring. It’s pretty basic that the first thing you want to do is provide stuff for them. Lifestyles. Support. Contact. Yourself. But some of these things that you want to provide don’t come from the same types of effort. To provide lifestyles or support for loved ones requires that you work. To provide contact or yourself for loved ones requires that you don’t.
These things are opposed, dammit. Mebbe that’s the problem.