Leapdragon 2016 - Aron Hsiao Was Here

Driving in Provo  §

© Tricia Simpson | CC-BY-SA 3.0

In Provo, if you come within 100 yards of any person or object in your vehicle, people assume you are going to hit it/them and begin to honk and yell and make obscene gestures wildly.

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In Provo, people see automobiles not as a way to increase travel speed, but as a way to be protected from social encounters while you get where you are going.

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In Provo, people always drive at less than the speed limit, no matter the road and no matter the time of day.

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In Provo, the speed limit almost everywhere is 25.

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In Provo, everyone comes to a full stop in their lane before making a right turn onto a side street or pulling into a parking lot or driveway, even if there is no light or stop sign.

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In Provo, if someone slows to a stop in the middle of the road, no-one will go around them, no matter the reason; there is an unwritten rule that cars must wait in line, even if the stop is irrational and traffic is affected for miles.

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In Provo, if you drive 6 miles per hour in a parking lot, people will punch and kick your car and yell at you for driving too fast and endangering the children in the parking lot by exceeding the 5 mile per hour limit.

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In Provo, parents must ensure that their children walk in the absolute middle and most exposed areas of all parking lots.

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In Provo, there is a car:truck ratio of 1:343,291, and a public ordinance requiring all trucks to be diesel engines exceeding Boeing 747 decibel levels with a minimum tire volume and body clearance large enough to flatten and drive over the body of any deer or moose that happens to cross the road.

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In Provo, all drivers will honk at you for doing something that they didn’t expect, even if what you did is entirely legal and safe.

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In Provo, all drivers expect you to drive 5 miles per hour in a giant truck, waiting in line whenever anyone stops in the middle of the road for whatever reason, and always coming to full stops in the middle of the street before turning the steering wheel in either direction.

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In Provo, they talk about what clueless and horrible drivers the people outside of Provo are.