Leapdragon 2016 - Aron Hsiao Was Here

Parenthood and couplehood (and more on extroversion).  §

As parents, we both came to the table unwittingly trying right wrongs—through our children—that were done to us in the past. Both for their sakes, and for hours. Not entirely healthy.

And the complicating factor was that the wrongs done to us were in some ways opposite. And, as a result, so were our overcompensations.

This tended to serve to reinscribe those wrongs, as though we had done them once again, to each other.

— § —

A post ago I went on for a bit about the advantages of being an introvert.

Now one of the disadvantages.

In our close relationships, we are not very compartmentalized. People that are close to us tend to have full access if we can give it. This is not like extroverts, who tend to have a wide variety of access levels and manage them effortlessly.

The result is that for those closest to us, the veneer of the “professional adult” is often thin or nonexistent. This can lead to the false sense that we, as their introvert friends, are somehow inadequate, unable to cope, or less mature than everybody else.

They don’t see us functioning as “professional adults” in our lives apart from them, and we tend not to engage them on the level of the “professional adult” when we interact with our close people, because they are our close people.

This can wreak a certain amount of havoc in relationships as those closest to us can slide into that assumption that I mentioned, particularly if they are extroverts, that we are in need of rescue. Because they rarely get a chance to see the “suit and tie” us; instead, they always tend to see the “pajamas” us, and can begin to assume that we’re stuck wandering the world undressed, half asleep, and needing a snuggle.

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