I don’t know whether I’m more wary or more circumspect right now as a general rule, but certainly I’m not free and open and ebullient.
It has been a very long time since I was able to take life for granted and not live every day by manning the internal battlements. Others have sometimes suggested that I relax, but the stimuli have been external since last decade.
I wonder if the day will ever come when I feel as though I have a sorted and risk-free personal life that I can entirely take for granted.
That’s what I’m looking for—the chance to simply feel comfortable (no, I don’t mean finances or chair coverings) in life again. To be able to look at a day and think about opportunities, rather than hitting the ground running to fight risks and other dragons.
I miss that feeling terribly—the feeling of waking up to a world of endless possibility, untarnished by danger.