Feelings matter. But they are secondary to obligations, commitments, and social normativity.
There is a movement afoot in our society, now almost entirely mature, to suggest that people ought to be true to themselves, and express themselves completely and honestly.
They should not.
People should discipline themselves, be true to their commitments to others, and express themselves only when doing so does not stand in violation of roles they have taken on and commitments they have made.
“Tolerance” is just another way of saying, “we all want to be let off the hook, so let’s make a society in which anyone can do anything they like, promises and obligations mean nothing, and everyone ’embraces’ this.”
It is a recipe for civilizational decline.
The older I get, the more Confucian I become. Your life is not yours, nor should it be. Your life belongs to other people, and their lives belong to you. Do right by this trust, and expect them to do right by it as well. It is essentially a Prisoner’s Dilemma problem, and right now, we are tearing the social fabric apart.
Cry in secret. Bear your “oppression” in silence. Shun “activists.” Do your job. Know your place. These are the keys to a better world for the kids to come.