Leapdragon 2016 - Aron Hsiao Was Here

You need someone to believe in you.  §

A fragmented assortment of thoughts.

— § —

I am neither prone to listening to “new” (as in, post-1999) music, nor to becoming overly emotional in response to… anything. Nor to fits of teen idol angst.

But a band that has mostly already happened, that happened sometime during that period when I was someone else between 2001 and 2015, has taken over much of my emotional universe. Every time I hear Nightwish perform Ghost Love Score or The Greatest Show On Earth, I end up with tears streaming down my face.

— § —

We live in a world that is largely devoid of beauty. We’ve worked very hard to eliminate it since the Enlightenment, and with our tools and science, we’ve been largely successful. When you see it now, it shocks you, like falling to your death, only doing so while at a strange kind of peace.

— § —

Life and growth happen, for a man, because someone believes in you more than you believe in yourself—and you want to live up to their belief and expectations.

So, by that measure, it has been a decent while since I was alive, or growing.

I need that pressure again, that belief that I am not quite sure I can justify. I need someone to think I am better than I believe I am, so that I can become what they think I am.

By that measure, I’ve been dead for years now.

I believe in myself. I can hand you my CV or tell you the ten thousand things about me that make me valuable, even exceptional. But I’m a man. I don’t care about that. I can try, but I don’t. I need something to live up to.

— § —

My son gave me a watering can for my birthday. Now I can keep plants alive. I love the watering can he gave me. I wish I could explain that to him in words that would convey the depth of my appreciation, but he’s 10. I don’t think he’ll be able to understand what it means to me until he’s 30.

— § —

One post a month. That’s all you get, apparently.